That little boy of mine

Ethan is a sweet little boy. He has chubby little cheeks and the best giggle around. I just love to cuddle with him and hold him tight.

As Ethan is growing up he is getting into more and more. I try to let him explore as much as possible. However, when he is standing on a chair or throwing toys I have to draw the line. His favorite toy right now is a ball. Whether kicking it around or throwing, he is always saying "ball". Ethan doesn't say much. There are few recognizable words in his vocabulary, but that is one of his favorites.

Samuel, my oldest, played soccer last year. Ethan was just a baby at the time. When Sam had practices, Ethan and I would sit on the sidelines and watch intently. (Okay, I would watch and Ethan would eat animal crackers.) Anyway, I think Ethan likes soccer more than Sam did.

The other night Ethan wandered into the den with a soccer ball in his hands. He glanced up with a grin on his face. Then he hoisted the ball over his head and hurled it at me as I sat on the couch. After ducking quickly, I told him not to throw (while wagging my finger at him). Ethan instantly sighed, dropped his chin to his chest and pouted. Those little chubby cheeks were full and the shoulders were slouched. Yep, he was giving it all he had. Letting me know in no uncertain terms that I had wounded his feelings. I called him over to me and consoled him. I told him that I didn't want to scold him, but that we can't throw in the house or at people.

A couple of minutes later, Ethan bounded into the room. He was in a great little mood. He walked over to my end table and grabbed a candleholder. As he pulled it off the counter, I said "Ethan, No!" Once again, the little sigh of exclamation, his chin fell to his chest and the cheeks went out. Only this time he put his hand to his forehead as if to say "oh, my!". I cracked up. He was too adorable. I would have to capture this on film to show to a future girlfriend (which by the way won't happen until he is 30...).

I try to remind myself that it is okay for him to pout. It is even okay for him to be disappointed. More importantly, I have to remind myself not to laugh while trying to keep a straight face. These are the days when the little mannerisms are adorable, there is no ill-will or bad intentions. They are just trying to manipulate you with the skills God gave them....being adorable :)

Notes From the Other Twin

When I found out that my second child was a boy, everyone said how easy it would be to have "another boy". I knew that it wouldn't be the same as raising the same child twice. As a twin, everyone had a hard time telling us apart. There were many times when people said that we were so similar. Everyone, including twins, are so different. I knew that these two boys would be individuals.

Although my sister and I look similar, we are very different and so much alike. We disagree and actually argue over many topics. In school we were better at different subjects. There were times when I thought we were one person living life in two bodies. We can finish each other's sentences and even understand without finishing them. Growing up we would fight and then within minutes be asking to borrow clothes.

We talk everyday. Sometimes more than once. We got married a year apart. Our first children are two months different in age, and the second only ten days. People say "wouldn't you want to do things separate? to have your own day?" Really? We shared every birthday, every first trip to the beach, every first day of school. All of my favorite memories involve her. She knows all of my childhood secrets, all the bad and good.

When I think about my kids growing up together, I hope that they will get along. I wonder if they will share secrets, be best friends, giggle in the same bed waiting for the first day of school. I know all kids are different, but I hope they find in each other what I found in my twin sister. A best friend for life.

2010 Recap

Another year is coming to an end. It makes me think back on all of the fun things that have happened this year. I start to make a list of resolutions for the new year. Some I will keep, others maybe not.

I wonder what memories my kids will remember. Sometimes I try to come up with family traditions that they will look back and smile about. Then I think of the things I remember and realize that the little unplanned moments are the ones I love best.

Sleeping over at a friend's house and watching scary movies that I swore wouldn't give me nightmares, but did. Spending the week with my grandparents eating homemade pancakes in a cast-iron skillet. Staying up late at night talking to my sister from our bedroom doors trying not to wake up my parents.

I want Samuel and Ethan to have a great childhood and all the best things I can give them. But sometimes I wonder if I do enough. I don't want to have any regrets. I don't want to look back and say I wished we read more books, cuddled up on the couch more, danced in the den more....

My kids are growing up so fast. I look at the little boy Samuel is becoming. He is smart, quick witted, funny, insightful, and charming. I wonder what Ethan will be like at that age. I don't want to miss anything by looking too far into the future. I just want to enjoy the little baby giggles, the sweet little kisses and hugs, the "I love you" and smiles. All too soon it will be time for them to need more space.

This year I want to stress out less about the little things. I want to enjoy people, stregthen my friendships, learn more from others, and most importantly to laugh more. Hoping you a have a wonderful new year!!

Merry Christmas

2010, where did you go? At the beginning of the year, Sam turned 4. We were adjusting to having two boys in the house. It got louder, faster, and crazier...but we wouldn't have it any other way!

Ethan turned one in May. He is a great cuddler and as fast a mover as they come. He loves Mickey Mouse, dancing, and being anywhere with his older brother. Samuel is almost 5 now. He is growing into a smart, quick-witted and insightful child. He has taught me a lot about myself. He keeps me honest. Samuel was tentative about a new brother, and unsure about sharing our attention. However, now he is the first one to tell Ethan it will be alright, how to climb onto the couch safely, and where to find his shoes. Samuel is such a great big brother!

This time of year is really hectic for us. Thanksgiving is the beginning of the busy season. Once December gets here it is birthdays followed by the frantic shopping trips. I used to be done with my shopping and gifts wrapped by September or early October. It was so easy then. Now, I live with panic of the dreaded moment when Sam will sit on Santa's knee and profess his love for a toy I have never heard of and cannot find in time for Christmas!

I do well to figure out what I am going to get everyone, much less finding the time or space to hide them. Of course, every year I say it will be easier the next year because I have a plan. Secretly, I like the hustle and bustle. It makes me feel good to know that I can still get my checklist done in time.

Samuel wants a Batman superhero birthday this year. I, amidst the holiday blur, must plan an awesome 5th birthday for my little boy. I can't believe he is almost 5 years old. I remember being pregnant and hoping he would get here in time for Christmas. He was the best present I could hope for because he made me a Mom. It is the most important job I have.

I hope that your holiday is wonderful, and that you take the time to enjoy it. The little smiles of excitement and giggles as the anticipation of the season get nearer are some of the best and fleeting moments we have. I plan to cuddle up on the couch, watch Christmas movies and drink cocoa while watching the tree lights glimmer. Merry Christmas to you and yours!!

Time Flies When You Are Having Fun

So I have not posted in a while. Just to update, Sam is now 4 years old and Ethan will be 9 months old tomorrow. Ethan is into everything and won't sit still. He can stand up and has no fear. He will just let go and stand there. Of course he wants to clap for himself which usually leads to a fall.

Ethan has two teeth on bottom, but is furiously working on the top row. He is drooling and wants to test his new chewing skills on Sam's toys. Of course, this is not all bad. Sam is getting a lot better at taking his toys back to his room for fear of two little scuff marks on Batman's boot. Sam will get really frustrated when Ethan goes right for his toys. Then as I remove Ethan from the tempatation of tasting the Hot Wheel or small airplane, Sam will let out an exaggerated sigh. He says, "Whew, Mommy. Thank you." I am not sure that he understands that I am more worried about the small pieces hurting Ethan than I am of a few battle scars on Batman's bike.

Sam is growing up fast, too. He comes up with "plans" that involve drinking more juice than is allowed, staying up later, and reasons to sleep in my room. I try to combat these plans, but some are so creative that I almost give points for style and effort.

Sam doesn't like to be called cute, funny, or a baby. He gets rattled and says, "I am Sam" like I don't know his name. He is sensitive about being called a baby and constantly points out the difference between what he can do versus Ethan.

Sam is going to play soccer starting next month. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I hope he likes to play. I hope he wants to play.

Marraige and Parenting

When I got married, I was not sure what married life would look like. Oh sure, my parents were married and I had a great example of that. However, I wasn't sure on a day to day basis what it would look like for me.

After being married for a while, we found out we were pregnant. We had struggled to have a child and were told the chances were slim. I am not a terribly romantic person. In fact I am a realist with sentimental tendencies. So when we found out we were pregnant, I was so stunned I called Adam at work and blurted the news.

I wasn't sure what life with a kid would look like. Soon after Samuel arrived I knew my life had changed. It sounds so cliche to say that life would never be the same. But somehow everything changed. It was no longer all about me.

Now after having a second child I realize that life is totally different. Someone once told me that they never realized how much spare time they had when they were in college and working, until they had a child. Then they thought they were exhausted...until they had a second child. Then they couldn't imagine all the spare time. I understand that now that Ethan arrived.

I wouldn't change being a mom for anything. This year Adam and I will have been married for 9 years. It is hard to believe that time is flying so fast. There are days when marraige is hard. We don't agree on finances, children, discipline, or where we see ourselves in a few years. Then there are the really tough times when I look to my single friends and envy thier lives. The ability to come and go as they please. To splurge on a huge purchase and eat ramen noodles for a month to afford it.

But in the end, I find that there was a reason for everything in my life. My kids have taught me patience, strength, and willpower. They have taught me unconditional love and the ability to see past the wrongdoing and look to the reason for it.

I appreciate every moment. I see life now as a scrapbook. Every cute outfit, all of the "firsts", the funny faces and sayings....I don't want to forget one. I hope that God continues to bless my little family. I pray that I will continue to learn the life lessons from the trials and experiences that I am lead through. For that is what makes me the person I am today.

Playdates

When there is a group of young children playing together, there is bound to be fighting, bickering, tattletales, etc. It is inevitable that one kid hit another or someone said a bad word. These allegations are expected whenever more than one kid is thrown together in a situation.

But why is it that when you are at a party and someone comes downstairs to tattle on the unspeakable tragedies happening upstairs, you find yourself hesitating hoping they aren't going to mention your child's name?

We went to a party with several young children. There were two girls watching out for the younger kids. It was great to get to sit and talk to other adults, play an 80's game, laugh at something other than Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Until one of the girls comes downstairs carrying a child bleeding from the mouth. Instantly all the mothers jump to the rescue asking what they can do to help. The fathers instantly offer to spank their child of choice. Then we all hold our breaths and tentatively ask, "how did this happen?" Ultimately we are praying that someone else will have to take on the bad seed.

I glance over and realize that my son is sitting nearby eating chips and dip. Whew -not my kid! A rush of relief passes over me as I realize that the incident won't forever taint my child as the "horrible hateful brat who busted the poor innocent little boys lip".

Why are parents so quick to judge other parents? Don't we realize that each one is secretly sharing our stresses, fears, and failures?

After spending some time with these other adults, I found that they had the same concerns of spanking too much, not disciplining the kids enough. Fear that thier child will be the out of control teen that never heard the word no.

Ugh. I try to tell myself that we are all doing the best we can. I was spanked as a child and I seem to be okay. I figure we as parents need to support each other, share information of what works for us, or suggestions if we have them. All for one and one for all, I say. Just a thought.